How to Find Your Personal Style (Actually)
8 Rules That My Mom Swears By
There is a new “no-rules'' approach to clothing on the internet and IRL, which is an exciting and refreshing outcome in spite of how chaotic and troubling life has been lately. In many ways, war and plague have injected a sense of carpe diem into our closets as we are humbled by the grave reality we face. However slow and expensive the apocalypse may feel, we still need to get dressed everyday. But the “just wear whatever you want” advice is completely unhelpful. How do I know what’s right for me?
When I don’t know what to wear, I ask my mom. Cindy Birkhead, the woman who brought me onto this planet, has worked in fashion her entire life. From Wanamaker’s department store in Philly (where she met my necktie-guru dad Frank), through fashion college (Philadelphia College of Textiles and Science), Gimbels as an exec, leader at Associated Merchandising Corp (Now Target), Federated Corp (Macys, Bloomingdales), Rachel Comey, and now her own brand, Room 6 Vintage. As difficult as it is for me to admit she’s right, Cindy pretty much always knows what to wear. She has helped me cut through the trendy bullshit and identify well designed treasures that will work for me long term (or at least give good resale value) since I could get dressed by myself.
This installment of my substack is mostly fashion advice from my mom, the woman I trust above all with my wardrobe. She’s got a lifetime of gems to share, that I hope benefit you too! Here are Cindy’s (actually) helpful hints and tidbits on discovering personal style:
MC: How would you describe your personal style? CB: Personally, I have a pretty minimal aesthetic. I like simple designs with a twist. I am also 100% into sustainable fashion – I shop secondhand first! I tend to like clean silhouettes and natural fibers. I also like to dress tonally to make myself look taller. I’m usually in jeans and a t-shirt though I do dress up sometimes. I am very into a sportswear look, i.e. ‘mixed separates’ in garment lingo. This is a very American approach to fashion as prior to the 70s/80s, women wore dresses, suits and pre-pitched ensembles.
MC: Who are your favorite style icons and designers? Where do you draw inspiration from? CB: American fashion really changed everything in the 70s and 80s. I have to say Geoffrey Beene is my favorite designer in terms of pure talent and artistry. I love Perry Ellis’ designs (from when he was alive); he was a big fabric snob like me and totally into separates. My other favorite is Willi Smith. He was a true innovator. He used natural fabrics to remix femme/masc looks, and designed easy affordable sportswear. In terms of style icons, Diane Keaton is an all time favorite. Her look in Annie Hall had a major influence on me and she continues to inspire. I also was inspired by Jane Fonda when she said she would stop buying new clothes to support sustainability. I most often get style inspiration from the streets NYC (where I live) and anywhere I travel to. I am also inspired by nature in terms of color and pattern.
MC: How has personal style evolved over your lifetime? CB: I have learned to define my personal style by my priorities. Comfort has become my major priority lately. I don't like anything tight or constricting. Sadly, I no longer wear high heels because my feet just can’t take it anymore - too many years of squeezing my foot into whatever shoes were on sale. I instead opt for lug sole or platform options. I find boots more comfortable and supportive than shoes; I love a tall boot and a chunky clog!
MC: What are some key components that make a killer outfit? CB: Thoughtfulness is key. I buy and wear things that I have an emotional response to. I always start with fabric, and look for interesting colors, patterns, and quality construction. Being mindful of what you're putting on your body and how it makes you feel is essential to creating a great look. As a short person, I alway want to appear or at least feel taller, so I tend to wear monochrome outfits which elongate my silhouette. Chic well crafted outerwear also instantly creates a look. A light weight trench or cool jacket over jeans and a tee is transformative.
MC: How do you reinvent and fall in love with your wardrobe without spending too much?
CB: I try to clean out my closet twice a year, ‘Marie Kondo’ style. I keep it circular by reselling things that no longer fit and replace them if need be. Clothing swaps are always an option too. Most of all, be honest with yourself and have a sense of humor about your style. Clothing is important, to a point. If a particular garment feels like it requires too much work/repair or just doesn’t ‘feel right’ anymore, be open to letting it go (and rehoming properly). Be patient for the new sustainable styles that will come your way.
MC: What is your best advice for building a wardrobe of cohesive 'timeless' pieces over dated and mismatched trendy clothes?
CB: Shop a lot, buy a little! And educate yourself on fabric. Quality fabric is the key to a timeless garment. Remember that fiber and fabric are not the same thing. Having a great pair of jeans, a few fancy frocks or suits, and a wool coat are essential too. Special occasion pieces can be very expensive, so I recommend shopping vintage for the best prices and most fun options. If you don't think you will wear a special occasion piece again, you can clean it and resell it- keep it circular!
MC: What are your suggestions for developing personal style on a modest budget?
CB: Shop a lot, buy a little (bears repeating). Do your research. Work with small businesses and vintage sellers you like and ask for advice. They know a lot and are happy to help you find your way!
For the fashion inclined (or at least curious) folks of today, we are drowning in a sea of rhetoric around personal style. It’s hard to develop a sense of your sartorial self with infinite options and on a finite budget. Personal style and ‘good taste’ are particularly ineffable aspirations; difficult to define, yet almost instantly recognizable. “Good taste” comes from a place of self awareness and confidence, especially in the context of personal style. The definition of good taste is not universal, though the appeal is far reaching when it originates from authenticity.
It’s valuable to take time and take risks in discovering which types of clothes make your body feel good, what fabrics you like, and how you react to color. This is the takeaway from my own experience, as well as my mom’s lifetime and career in fashion. There is a major difference between appreciating a certain style and knowing it’s right for you.
The best way to cultivate good taste is to experiment and learn about yourself while doing the research. It’s too easy and unhelpful to suggest that people “wear what makes them feel good,” when some may not yet possess a level of self knowledge or the resources to achieve such intuitive expression. Knowing your options and fashion history is essential and can open up entire universes of style beyond the influence of social media. In fact, I have both of my parents to thank as my original style icons. Thanks for reading! And remember my mom’s rules:
Shop a lot, buy a little!
Build a circular wardrobe (focus on items with resale value)
Clean out / shop your closet regularly
Fiber content and fabric construction are important (for long lasting quality garments)
Figure out what your style priorities are
Be honest with yourself and have a sense of humor to dress authentically
Seek out inspiration offline!
Know your fashion history
Gem after gem after gem. Such a good read for anyone hoping to work out their personal style!
A great read with the best no nonsense advice that is forever relevant from an original style icon Cindy Birkhead !